You can only imagine why i named this post, "When the going gets tough..."
How'd you know!?
Yup, its getting hard.
October 30th, Sunday afternoon. First time leading worship, was told there was going to only be about 20 people at church that day, practiced and it all sounded great..what could go wrong?
EVERYTHING!
About 60 people ended up cramming into our small salle de culte (church service room) that afternoon, i missed a ton of words, i froze up... God, what happened!? I've done this before, why didn't work this time?
So many questions, and once i quickly walked out of that service and collapsed on the couch in the room below my flat i began to think that i was a huge screw up, what was i doing there?, why did this happen? I humiliated myself! Everyone was expecting this amazing singer who's got it all together and can sort of speak french... now i'm just the girl who misses words and can't pronounce anything. I will never sing again...
NO!
I stopped myself right there.
That's a bit drastic, that's not right.
Everyone makes mistakes, everyone trips up sometimes, no one is perfect.
Then i felt optimism run through my veins.
I ushered in the spirit as much as i could, it was my first time singing in front of the church...
Holy spirit fell upon me and comforted me like never before. I will never stop singing... i don't care if they thought it was bad, it was bad, i accept that. BUT, i did what i could to the best i could do it.
I needed my mom though, i needed a friend. I wanted to tell her so bad how i was feeling, if only my internet would work in my flat!
But God has not left me, i have family here. It's a safe place, and so i let it out and go.
Youth tonight, went, well, okay. Not great. All of my great games that i was going to do just came falling through. No one liked my question game with M&Ms. It was a little boring, i admit, but still a downer. But then we played some other games and it was okay.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!? why did everything fall through?
But then i remember... when the going gets tough, just keep going.
The enemy loves to see us encounter hard things and get discouraged and then give up on something that could turn out to be amazing if pursued just a few more times. I say we laugh back in his face and tell him to get a life, because "NO, we're not gonna take it! We're not gonna take it anymore!" We will fight the fight and get back up and do the things we love because they make us happy. And maybe through our perseverance someone else will catch on to it and then someone will catch it from them... and so on.
We were created to do the things we love, the things that help people, the things that makes our world a better place...If we give into the lie that when we mess up or can't seem to do something right a few times, how are we going to prepare this Earth for the "age to come"? God is waiting for us to stand back up and say, no in the devil's face and show him who's boss.
I encourage you today to not feel bad for me, but rejoice with me that i will overcome these language barriers and these stirrings in my heart, so i can reach out to the very people God has put me with here in Lisieux!
And remember, When the going gets tough, just keep going!!!
Thank you everyone for your prayers and for your encouragements. I miss everyone desperately. I'm excited to see everyone in December. I hope you are all doing well!
Love always,
Eden
